Life Gets So Much Better When You Get Out

Telling my story and what I went through isn’t fun. It’s not to share things that aren’t true, or to ruin somebody’s life–most abusers walk around life completely unaffected by the people they’ve hurt and broken. I was abused by two different men, one when I was 18 and the other when I was 20. They’ve both abused other women before and after me, and they both walk around unaffected, without any remorse for the many different women they've left begging for healing, for peace, and for resolution. Statistically and historically speaking, they will continue to hurt people, especially when they are continued to be protected and encouraged by the people surrounding them.

Telling my story is for reaching others in similar situations, encouraging them to get out and tell their story, too. Telling my story, telling the raw facts of what happened, is empowering. When they had control over me I had no voice, no identity, no sense of self. Now, I stand confident in who I am, speaking out about the abuse I endured. Why? Because if it helps just one person it was all worth it. Every single time I post about my experiences, women reach out and tell me that they’ve gone through or are currently going through similar things. Abuse is all around you. Do not be naive and think women around you are not also affected by this.

There were a lot of things that happened in my story that weren’t okay. Physical, sexual, & emotional abuse, manipulation, isolation, control, gaslighting, the list goes on. If you are experiencing any of these things, I need you to know that there are people in this world that would never treat you like that, they wouldn’t be able to stomach even the thought of hurting you.

Life gets so much better when you get out.

I was put in a headlock while driving down a windy road, because I changed my nose ring without asking him. He tried to rip it out of my nose, screaming that he hopes he kills us because "I looked like a worthless whore for wearing a nose ring.” When he found out I had previously been SA’d, he told me “he would never respect a woman that would let someone rape them” and then continued to SA me until I left. I was chased into the house and thrown across a room because "I danced with another man.” He later admitted he made it up entirely and just wanted an excuse to hurt me. He pulled a gun the night his best friend got in my face, raised his fist and screamed repeatedly that “he would bash my teeth in so I could really know what abuse is”. He didn’t pull the gun to protect me. He took the gun out of his truck and said he would use it on himself and leave a note saying it was all my fault. That night I made a hidden album, filled with all the evidence I had of the abuse–pictures, videos, screenshots, and voicemails; and I only told my best friend how to find it. I told her that one day this man will kill me if I stay and I want my parents to have justice if that happens.

I didn’t leave until 6 months later.

Hateful words turn into broken things. Broken things turn into bruises, and bruises turn into broken bones. Broken bones turn into caskets. Never be ashamed of a breakup. Your people want you out and safe.

Life gets so much better when you get out.

I could tell truths all day about the sick and twisted things they did, but if you can’t get it after reading the truths you already know, then this isn’t for you, and you will probably never get it. I pray you, your mother, your friend, your sister, your neighbor, your fellow woman never has to experience even an ounce of an abuse. Because it might not be all men, but it’s a STAGGERING amount of women that have been abused, SA’d and hurt at the hands and words of men claiming to love them.

The cycle of abuse stops with us. I will never stop sharing the truth of what I went through or standing up for survivors. You shouldn’t either. If you are not a part of the solution, you will become part of the problem. Be the person that helps save someone else. You have no idea how close this is around you.